Keep Running
by skywalkor
Summary: "I am stupid. I really am - 100%, immensely stupid. People keep saying that I'm not, that I'm a genius. Graduated from the Academy at 5, chuunin at 6… I could throw my first kunai before I even could speak properly. Read all tactic-scrolls at one night. I was a fighting machine, ready to go out there and do what they told me to do." Kakashi's point of view, ANBU and KakaYama!


_So, it's been a while since I uploaded KakaYama here. My private life seems to have taken over too much of my writing-time, but I'm working on it! Also, eh, I know about there stories I haven't finished yet... Uhm... Maybe I'll continue later, I hope... Sorry._

_Anyway - here's a little thing I wrote to get things of my mind. From Kakashi's point of view. His thoughts, actually. I hope you'll enjoy! _

_Naruto, Kakashi and Yamato (c) Kishi the master (also known as satan in some parts of the fandom)_

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I am stupid. I really am - 100%, immensely stupid.

People keep saying that I'm not, that I'm a genius. Graduated from the Academy at 5, chuunin at 6… I could throw my first kunai before I even could speak properly. Read all tactic-scrolls at one night.  
I was a fighting machine, ready to go out there and do what they told me to do.

But I was always so blind…  
I couldn't see what was behind all that fighting, why we even had enemies. They could, of course. They understood. But in my eyes they were just annoying, and more stupid than me.  
Why would I care about them.

Sensei knew. He understood. He was smart and skilled; but him too had the weakness.

He told me to look deep inside my mind and look for it.

What was it?

I realized when it was too late.

Death was a bitter man, so black and so powerful, grabbing everything that came close and sucked the life out of it. I wasn't the victim, but I was close.  
He saved me.

Obito Uchiha - the one boy in the world I'd never listen to. And when he laid there under the rocks and stones, only half his body left, I could finally see what everyone had meant.

You can't fight a war without something to fight for. You can't live a life without something to live for.

I had fought and I had lived. But I had stopped to care ever since the day when I had found the only man I cared about dead on the floor in our house. The pride washed away with his blood, the pride of the Hatake family. I had no one left, and the ugly truth about life and death made me bitter.

I had no idea why I kept fighting after Obito. Why I still stood up when Rin was gone. I had failed my promise to both of them, but still I kept on walking.

Now when I look back at it, I guess it was still all thanks to that Uchiha-kid. He taught me a lesson about humans and feelings, what it was like to be a shinobi.

I joined the ANBU in hope of changing the world to a better place. I don't know if it really helped the world, but it helped me.  
I met loads of soldiers ready to fight, as skilled as myself but twice as passionate.

And there was this one kid… Clumsy at a start. I wondered how he'd got there, he was so different. He didn't stand out and he didn't really talk about himself. He just sat beside the others and listened to their stories in the camp, brown hair messy and dark eyes wide open, glittering in the reflections from the moon.  
I could look at him for a very long time without noticing that I did.  
Of course we became friends. He was a few years younger than me, so it didn't take long for him to start calling me senpai.

It was annoying at start, but he kept on doing it whatever I said, so I guess I got used to it after a while. I was Kakashi-senpai. The captain. Taichou for some, senpai for him and a few others. Someone important.

And I started to understand that.

We were always on the same missions, started to understand and feel each other's fighting techniques, patterns, personal preferences and such, we could read each other and understand. Like a silent language only us two could speak.

Bonds they call it. Friendship, love, family… _Bonds_.

Then there was that one night. He took me from the camp, away to the forest and I had no idea what was going to happen. He had the serious look on his face. The focused one, that he always had on the missions. I didn't like him that way as much as I liked him when he silently listened to me and the others, it was too… Dead. It reminded me of myself, before Obito and before ANBU.

The serious face turned to me, a bit nervous, and told me to be prepared for he was going to show me something I'd probably never seen before.

He smashed his hands together - and up from the ground there came roots. Big, thick roots that crawled up and up, towards the sky and the moon, like they were dancing. Snares and branches spreading and growing. Leaves. The trees around started to react and grow them too, getting greener and taller…  
It was quite beautiful.

I was surprised. That he'd possess something as powerful as the mokuton release, and that he hadn't shown it to anyone in the team so far was not something that I had expected. He seemed so… Quiet, and for some reason a bit lost. But at that moment - when he could control a whole forest that grew around us, I was stunned by his powers. And the fact that he was willing to share them with me made my stomach twist.

Just seconds after that I had to catch him with my own hands to prevent him from falling to the ground. It was too much, too soon. He told me that he wasn't quite finished yet and that it was something I couldn't tell anyone until he had mastered it completely. His body wasn't ready. He wasn't born with it, so it wasn't that easy for him to control it.  
I told him that he could manage and that he was strong. That I had my faith in him. Encouraging.

He was probably ashamed about his position, because he told me to let him go, so I dropped him as slowly and carefully as I could on the grass and moss.  
Then I laid back beside him. And we just… Breathed, for minutes, just laid beside each other and felt how incredibly exhausted we were. Mostly him, but I was too. Physically. Training, being a captain, being _alive_.

And that's where we kissed each other. We were tired and not so very sane, but I guess I can't blame it on that.

Because when he leaned over, all flustered and embarrassed, and just pressed his lips softly and carefully against mine, I didn't turn away. I enjoyed every second of it, every hundredth and every thousandth. He was a part of me - and we were strong, together we were so powerful. Just boys, just shinobi - but that was enough to make our hearts beat faster than ever.

Later on I could barely manage without him, I had to keep him close all the time just so I could feel his presence there in the background. His heartbeat, his warm skin not so far away from mine. And as soon as we saw an opportunity… We were one again.

I was so dumb.  
I was so stupid. And I still am, so very catastrophically stupid.  
But I can manage.  
I can understand a little bit more now.

What we fight for. What we live for. _Bonds. _  
What it's like to love, what it's like to be loved.

What I am here to protect,  
and what this world is about.

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_Thank you for reading! Review 'bout what you think?_


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